Where It Goes Nobody Knows
At this point I'm considering a few options for moving forward in life while trying to juggle all the stuff I'm currently dealing with. Ah, story of our lives, no?
Back in 2004, during my job interview for the job I currently hold, I was asked what I wanted to accomplish within 5 years. Along with goals that were related to that specific job, I stated that I wanted to earn a PhD. Well, the gig is up, almost been 5 years. Time to get on that or I'll eat my words. Determined to be Dr. before I'm 40 or so I tell myself.
So what's the freakin' holdup you say. I ask myself that too. Well, it was a welcome change not doing homework after 20+ years of school. And having time to watch tv seems a luxury. But I miss the constant stream - ok let's be honest, more like a blasting firehose - of new information and people to meet. And the feeling of achievement that is so much more fairly equated: you complete assignment as required, you get an A. Not always so in business - at your job. You could slave for days/hours/weeks/months, deliver on time, and still get shite on. "But at least you know you did your best." Bah! I love reward and recognition no matter how uncomfortable it can be (oh yes I have self esteem issues for sure. thanks, parents!!! JK, ok maybe not.). So when I get that A, it has that positive closure I crave. I heard the information, practiced it, remembered it, applied it in the correct manner. Success. No one debates or challenges an A. Done, move along.
And when I taught a college class, I had such a range of academic freedom to teach as I saw fit. Almost to the point where I thought it was too good to be true. And I loved that too. But I applied the same kind of structure that I experienced as a student and it felt just as rewarding on the other side of the desk. The way to measure levels of achievement was clear cut. I went home at night feeling like I accomplished the goal. Job well done.
But if you really listen to what is being said above, it is that I enjoy the school environment. The structure and culture is appealing. So the 10 million dollar question is, what do I want to go back to study? And would I be going back because I just like to be a student or because I need the degree to advance my career?
Next question: where is my career going? ding ding ding. Good question.
Truth be told, there are many times I feel like I should be teaching marketing at post secondary level because I've been in it so long. The experience I could bring (as opposed to some profs who teach right after piggybacking degrees) from being out in the field for 10+ years along with my other knowledge in computers/media would probably make for interesting and challenging classes that the students might even enjoy! You never know. But is that where I want to go?
Here's where I slap myself in the face. And take a look around. Where the heck am I?
Midlife crisis. (Time to dye the hair, cougar after a young hunk, lipo all trace of those cakes and cookies outta the thighs and rear carriage, and drive a fast, shiny car?)
Yeah right. Let's look at what we got.
So you've taken this path so far in your life and you thought it was leading where you wanted to go. Ya made a few turns in directions that weren't too far from the turn you really wanted to take, but you did it because it was easier/didn't want to move back in with the folks/wouldn't inconvenience a loved one/didn't cost as much/etc. Hmmm. It's like you got kidnapped, blindfolded, and now you're at your destination and the blindfold has been taken off your eyes. You don't know where the heck you ended up (although it's not that bad actually), and how you got there was hard to tell, but where do you go from here? See, you have a good job, paid decently, a roof over your head, eat regular meals, and clothes in the closet.
Was this the destination you wanted? It ain't that bad. You shouldn't complain. Other people have it worse.
The answer is: when you fail to plan you plan to fail. That's the corporate, clean cut answer straight out of a management/self improvement book. blah blah blah. So I could have planned my career better so I'd know without a doubt what rung of the ladder I'm supposed to be climbing toward right now.
Sure I should have had a better map for life in general. But it's not all bad. So why am I so confused, unsure and let's face it: unhappy?
Just a thought......switching gears, just for fun.
What would I do if money was no issue and the slate was wiped clean?
Get rid of most of my belongings and become a minimalist.
Pile friends onto a bus and just take a month or two off to tool around the country. Leave their kids at home.
Travel to each continent. Hang out with locals. Eat what they eat, live as they live. I draw the line at eating charred warthog anus (key the No Reservations show in Africa here).
Sketch and paint like I used to.
Play/write/record music - pound away on the piano, get an impromptu drum session going, whatev. Do some mixing. Always thought I'd like to be a sound designer. Hmmmm.
Wander around. I'm a walker.
Go to concerts, listen to more music.....
Eat meals prepared by the finest chefs.
Dance. Clubs, ballroom, belly, again - whatev.
I love perfume, smells of nature - kind of a scent-a-holic. Don't know what to do with that, but I'd spend more time smelling things. Going places that smelled good. Or had an interesting scent. Sing more. I'm not very good, but I can hold a tune. I sing everywhere but church (if/when i go).
Design stuff and build it. Learn enough construction techniques to create all the stuff I've dreamed up over the years. I have so many post-it-notes and scraps of paper with "inventions" - the next big thing. haha.
Play some sports. I am a competitor at heart.
Drink with friends and hang out on a beach or winery or someplace pretty and warm.
Hang out anywhere and people watch. Love that too.
Read anything, everything, more!
There are other things but those are just for me to know.
Ok, so that right there shows that I work waaaaaayyyy too much and don't play enough. Which is the biggest problem of all.....
Right now, I work a full day job (at a place I've been the last 10 years), part time freelance, volunteer at three community organizations which require a significant chunk of time on a regular basis, take care of numerous pets, and live pretty far away from friends and family. Work and isolation. Same place, same people, same stuff, every day. It wears on the soul. Explains it all.
Most of the fun activities above don't require much money, if any. And sometimes you figure out what you want to really do in life when YOU'RE NOT WORKING!!! Right?
Maybe I need to get the heck away from the grind and find myself by allowing me to be myself.
Then maybe the right program and direction will come my way. Or would that already be setting me down the right road in the right direction?
Back in 2004, during my job interview for the job I currently hold, I was asked what I wanted to accomplish within 5 years. Along with goals that were related to that specific job, I stated that I wanted to earn a PhD. Well, the gig is up, almost been 5 years. Time to get on that or I'll eat my words. Determined to be Dr. before I'm 40 or so I tell myself.
So what's the freakin' holdup you say. I ask myself that too. Well, it was a welcome change not doing homework after 20+ years of school. And having time to watch tv seems a luxury. But I miss the constant stream - ok let's be honest, more like a blasting firehose - of new information and people to meet. And the feeling of achievement that is so much more fairly equated: you complete assignment as required, you get an A. Not always so in business - at your job. You could slave for days/hours/weeks/months, deliver on time, and still get shite on. "But at least you know you did your best." Bah! I love reward and recognition no matter how uncomfortable it can be (oh yes I have self esteem issues for sure. thanks, parents!!! JK, ok maybe not.). So when I get that A, it has that positive closure I crave. I heard the information, practiced it, remembered it, applied it in the correct manner. Success. No one debates or challenges an A. Done, move along.
And when I taught a college class, I had such a range of academic freedom to teach as I saw fit. Almost to the point where I thought it was too good to be true. And I loved that too. But I applied the same kind of structure that I experienced as a student and it felt just as rewarding on the other side of the desk. The way to measure levels of achievement was clear cut. I went home at night feeling like I accomplished the goal. Job well done.
But if you really listen to what is being said above, it is that I enjoy the school environment. The structure and culture is appealing. So the 10 million dollar question is, what do I want to go back to study? And would I be going back because I just like to be a student or because I need the degree to advance my career?
Next question: where is my career going? ding ding ding. Good question.
Truth be told, there are many times I feel like I should be teaching marketing at post secondary level because I've been in it so long. The experience I could bring (as opposed to some profs who teach right after piggybacking degrees) from being out in the field for 10+ years along with my other knowledge in computers/media would probably make for interesting and challenging classes that the students might even enjoy! You never know. But is that where I want to go?
Here's where I slap myself in the face. And take a look around. Where the heck am I?
Midlife crisis. (Time to dye the hair, cougar after a young hunk, lipo all trace of those cakes and cookies outta the thighs and rear carriage, and drive a fast, shiny car?)
Yeah right. Let's look at what we got.
So you've taken this path so far in your life and you thought it was leading where you wanted to go. Ya made a few turns in directions that weren't too far from the turn you really wanted to take, but you did it because it was easier/didn't want to move back in with the folks/wouldn't inconvenience a loved one/didn't cost as much/etc. Hmmm. It's like you got kidnapped, blindfolded, and now you're at your destination and the blindfold has been taken off your eyes. You don't know where the heck you ended up (although it's not that bad actually), and how you got there was hard to tell, but where do you go from here? See, you have a good job, paid decently, a roof over your head, eat regular meals, and clothes in the closet.
Was this the destination you wanted? It ain't that bad. You shouldn't complain. Other people have it worse.
The answer is: when you fail to plan you plan to fail. That's the corporate, clean cut answer straight out of a management/self improvement book. blah blah blah. So I could have planned my career better so I'd know without a doubt what rung of the ladder I'm supposed to be climbing toward right now.
Sure I should have had a better map for life in general. But it's not all bad. So why am I so confused, unsure and let's face it: unhappy?
Just a thought......switching gears, just for fun.
What would I do if money was no issue and the slate was wiped clean?
Get rid of most of my belongings and become a minimalist.
Pile friends onto a bus and just take a month or two off to tool around the country. Leave their kids at home.
Travel to each continent. Hang out with locals. Eat what they eat, live as they live. I draw the line at eating charred warthog anus (key the No Reservations show in Africa here).
Sketch and paint like I used to.
Play/write/record music - pound away on the piano, get an impromptu drum session going, whatev. Do some mixing. Always thought I'd like to be a sound designer. Hmmmm.
Wander around. I'm a walker.
Go to concerts, listen to more music.....
Eat meals prepared by the finest chefs.
Dance. Clubs, ballroom, belly, again - whatev.
I love perfume, smells of nature - kind of a scent-a-holic. Don't know what to do with that, but I'd spend more time smelling things. Going places that smelled good. Or had an interesting scent. Sing more. I'm not very good, but I can hold a tune. I sing everywhere but church (if/when i go).
Design stuff and build it. Learn enough construction techniques to create all the stuff I've dreamed up over the years. I have so many post-it-notes and scraps of paper with "inventions" - the next big thing. haha.
Play some sports. I am a competitor at heart.
Drink with friends and hang out on a beach or winery or someplace pretty and warm.
Hang out anywhere and people watch. Love that too.
Read anything, everything, more!
There are other things but those are just for me to know.
Ok, so that right there shows that I work waaaaaayyyy too much and don't play enough. Which is the biggest problem of all.....
Right now, I work a full day job (at a place I've been the last 10 years), part time freelance, volunteer at three community organizations which require a significant chunk of time on a regular basis, take care of numerous pets, and live pretty far away from friends and family. Work and isolation. Same place, same people, same stuff, every day. It wears on the soul. Explains it all.
Most of the fun activities above don't require much money, if any. And sometimes you figure out what you want to really do in life when YOU'RE NOT WORKING!!! Right?
Maybe I need to get the heck away from the grind and find myself by allowing me to be myself.
Then maybe the right program and direction will come my way. Or would that already be setting me down the right road in the right direction?
posted by Kat at 9:18 PM
1 comments
